Spring is here

Life goes on for me now living in South Africa, on a hill, away from everything and everyone I know and love back home. I had begun the countdown till home and now the countdown has started over again. I went from 3 weeks till I see my home to 5months. But it’s okay because this defiantly feels like, and is, the right thing to do.

I realize that I don’t write enough about the actual work I am doing here. That is partly because I don’t want to use the children as a tool to gain support or sympathy. Volunteers have been coming in and out of these children’s lives for so long that I feel like every cute or sad thing that happens gets exploited by all of us who want to have a special story or moment.

On the other hand, I am having great moment’s everyday with the kids here. If I am feeling sad or lonely I need just to step on the playground and instantly I hear the kids calling my name (in their special pronunciation of it), and we start to play or talk and all my problems slip away. But I struggle with the concept of “taking” vs. “giving” to the kids. I don’t want to take hugs and kisses and stories; I want to give them.

There is a very special challenge involved with raising children. I find myself constantly struggling with and learning how to deal with each child and their needs. One of the youngest children (she turned 2 in July) goes into intense tantrums over seemingly nothing and I struggle with ignoring her or giving her hugs and kisses. I find that with all the children if I am more affectionate then they are more responsive to me. The other day I took an older child (age 12) into the quiet counselling room and we sat and listened to soft music and read some bible stories and then we prayed. It was wonderful, because this is a boy who takes medication for his ADHD and can barely sit still, and he had his head on my shoulder and it felt really secure. I realize now that these children get very little (if any at all) alone time with a “mother” figure. It makes me so sad because most of the problems we deal with could be solved if they had the undivided attention of a parent who knew everything about them. This organization tries to provide a home for these amazing kids, but the set up is all wrong for providing their emotional and physical needs. I don’t think in 5 months I’ll be able to fix any of it, but at least I will try to do my best.

Here is a funny story:
The other day I was getting the kids in the bath. We have two volunteers for 8 kids. Our method is to get them naked and on the toilet and then they all go into the bath (which is very small). Sometimes they escape into the bedroom or even outside. So on wednesday it was a particularly crazy day and the same girl who throws the tantrums started screaming from the bedroom. I found her on the top bunk all alone ( I don't know how she got there!). She was naked and had pooped on the mattress and had gotten it all over her feet and legs and hands! I think it scared her so much that she was trembling. While cleaning her up (and getting some poo on me!), the kids in the bath were screaming and splashing and then one of the 4 year olds didn't want to get dressed and out of frusteration threw the cream on the floor and it exploded on all the shoes! I let out one loud "AHHH this is too much" and then all the kids were silent and one of the kids who was brusing her teeth from the sink said, "Meleezza, why are you screaming!" It was so funny to me and then I started laughing and all the kids joined in and we had a nice laugh together and everything was fine!

I got a note from a boy who is 12. He has an almost “sixth sense” about him. I can’t think of anything at the moment but he always seems to know how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking about. The note said,”
“…I just wanted you to know that you are incredible to me, and… I can’t say how much I love you, You are one of the best volunteers I’ve ever had in my life and remember that you have a very special place in my heart. From the oceans and blue waters you are the only one I find. Xxoo.”
How amazing is that? And this is why I find it so difficult to come home right away.

Now that I’ve decided to stay I’ve had to deal with all sorts of VISA and plane ticket problems. It’s been a bit stressful to sort everything out, but I am confident that it will all be okay. I have a couple requests:
Please continue to pray that God directs my plans and purpose here. I feel very overwhelmed and anxious at times.

Love,
Melissa